Thursday, December 31, 2009

James Garfield Part 2

Okay, the funny thing is that people at work actually come to me for help with their computer problems.

I cannot figure out my all-in-one scanner to save my life. It could be because: 1)it is a hand-me-down; and 2) it is a Dell. My mother-in-law gave it to me and there was no disc with it. She said she couldn't find it and wasn't even sure there was one. I have never hooked up a peripheral like that and not had a disc. Every time I boot up my computer I get some kind of error message related to said all-in-one and I can make it do everything but actually scan. I have to sneak in thru a back door and then I can't manipulate the pictures in any way other than to rotate it.

Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. In the previous post I had pictures of my James Garfield card. Luckily for me it arrived the day I found out my son was...well he is a lot of things, but right now what he is mostly is grounded. And that card just made me smile. And laugh. And smile some more. And the fact that she took the time to write me that awesome little note inside just but me over the moon. And I no longer wanted to come home and throttle my son. As much.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

And here is to a Happy 2010 for us all. The first resolution I plan to break is to post more!

James Garfield

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Holly Jolly Christmas

It is so hawt up in my house. No, really. My oven has been on all day and it is like 68 degrees in here. I may be dying. Not really, but it's really, really hawt.

I don't even know what I accomplished all day with my oven on. I seem to recall a pumpkin roll. It looked good. Oh, and of course there was the traditional Christmas enchiladas. But I also made the most disgusting oatmeal-butterscotch-cream cheese bars. They are truly dreadful. They looked simple enough; they even called themselves "easy" (don't we all?). But they needed to be pulsed in the food processor and mine was just too small. I tried...really I did. Then I tried the blender and that was a complete disaster. Finally I threw it in the mixmaster and hoped for the best. Well, I didn't get the best, that's for darn sure. Yuck. Finished the night with three pans of chocolate chip cookies...the refrigerator roll kind. Did you know that wax paper smokes really bad in the oven? Well, it does. I ran out of parchment paper and used wax paper instead. And the cookies stuck to it. Must be all that wax. Huh.

Since my younguns are not so young anymore, our Christmas celebrations are already done here. We have a family to-do half a mile from here at the ungodly hour of 9 am. I'm putting a 5 hour stew in my new enamel-coated cast iron dutch oven before we leave so we have a built in excuse to leave after 4 hours, because that's when I need to add the potatoes!

If I knew how to get the pictures off my blackberry I would show you the diamond(esque) earrings my man got me. They are beautamous and they made me cry. Not tear up, mind you; for reals cry. He always gets me the best presents and gives them to me in weird ways so I have no idea what I am getting. A few years ago he got me a satellite radio (that also made me cry) after lecturing me about how he would never pay to listen to the radio. He still doesn't understand it but I listen to that thing all the time. And he has enjoyed it on the few long trips we have taken, too. But these earrings are da bomb. And it shows that he listens to me. Every time I see a rapper or nfl player on tv I remark how unfair it is that a boy has nicer earrings than me. And with these I don't have to worry about losing one (cause I lose a LOT of earrings).

Oh, one last thing. Tonight marks my second successful night of being back in the box of w(h)ine and staying off of fb and just generally not embarrassing myself! Go me!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Drama, Redux

Well, the drama is back.

I cried most of the day Sunday, but I'm done now.

Now, I'm mad, and that is bad news for The Boy Who Would Lie To His Momma.

When my life starts spiraling out of control I clean. My refrigerator shelves are nice and shiny and de-gunked. My pantry is tidy. I've caught the reins of my life again so this insanity can stop! I hate to clean.

On a bright note, the blog that was supposed to be this one may actually start in January. I got tired of waiting for my friend the Metrosexual to start a blog with me so I started my own. He is getting his wireless internet at the beginning of the year so we may actually get to it! Stay tuned!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Back By Popular Demand

I've been gone...did you miss me?

It's been kind of depressing around here, what with the unenjoyment and everything. But guess who got called out to work this morning. That's right. The Big Man. Yay!

I had another one of my binges last week. Slightly more disastrous than the last one (when am I going to learn to stay off fb when drunk?); luckily I don't really remember much and I've quit digging into the rubble trying to figure out the lost couple of hours. Upside is I have a new keyboard. Says it is spillproof right on the box.

The dog is still sleeping in the house at night, but I don't know how long that is going to last. I awoke this morning (nevermind what time) to find him asleep on the couch. Had his head on the pillow and everything. And that is precisely where I found him when I got home from work tonight.

I am a terrible housekeeper, ya'll. You can't even call what I do--or more accurately what I don't do--housekeeping. But I can NOT have a stinking, drooling 90 pound dog sleeping on my couch.

Even I have my limits.

Except where wine is concerned evidently.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Carnitas Part Dos

Well...they were good.

But not awesome.

I am hankering to make the more succulent variety in the gravy next week. We'll see how that turns out.

Meanwhile, critics say the pico de gallo was kick ass. He has the limey farts to back up that claim.

I'll take it!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Well, first things first, I sure did post a lot of videos there toward the end, didn't I? Kind of cheating...but I didn't have to pull out the "POST" post, so it all evens out I think.

Today I will be making carnitas. I'm really excited about it. I saw someone making them a couple of weeks ago on the food network and I was really intrigued. Boiling pork in lard? Genius! That's like deep-fried bacon (something else I would like to try!). Then when we went to Tequila's the last time I tried them and they WERE fabulous. This was a major accomplishment for me because I am a dyed in the wool chicken chimichanga girl. They only time I veered off the strict chimichanga path was when I ordered a combo once that had a chimichanga and some other stuff on it. I just may be a carnitas girl now.

I will skip the guacamole but make the pico de gallo. I may even taste it. I don't like's a consistency thing. They are just too squishy. But I have all the ingredients and I'm gonna try. I think a picture may be in order.

Oy, I never know where my camera is. Update tomorrow!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

James Garfield

OMG, ya'll, I'm getting a James Garfield Christmas card!

Yes, I am paying $10 for the honor, but it is totally worth it. The Bloggess herself is going to make it and mail it to me. With stickers. STICKERS!!! Bloggess Stickers. This is going to be awesome.

You know, given the chance to meet Jenny or Bruce, I'm really not sure who I would pick. Honestly, I'd probably pick Jenny because I think we would have more fun, what with the Judy Garland trail mix and Nancy J. Kappes, Paralegal.

Crap, I am so excited.

Monday, November 30, 2009

The End

I can't believe I did it, ya'll. I never finish anything!

Well, I won't fool myself into thinking I can keep this up. The only really interesting things that happen to me on a regular basis are of an adult nature shall we say and I really shouldn't tell you about it. And my daughter might read it and be traumatized for life. Or my boss. Ew. Now I grossed myself out a little.

Anyway, I am going to try to be a little more consistent. And try to learn a few more tricks. Strike through is awesome!

Here's to a productive December!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Almost the End

One more post after this and I'm done!

I can't believe it. I am not the best follow-thru-er. And this was hard (that's what she said).

Obviously I'm out of material. I'm very tired and Mike Rowe is making bologna. I don't want to miss it.

Saturday, November 28, 2009


OK, I'm cheating. I know there is no way I will be able to post tomorrow so I'm writing it now.

I'm using the Chewbaca Defense:

Friday, November 27, 2009

Black Friday

Well, the shopping day has come and gone. I started out with nothing bought and I finish with everything done. Well, I need to make a donation to the local food pantry, and then I'll be done! I only stepped foot in 3 stores today...did all the rest online. Technology is awesome.

So are snuggies. I bought 3 more today.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

One More Day

Okay, who's idea was it to have a "little party" at work today?



Seemed like a good idea at the time. But as soon as the words were out of my mouth...oops.

My 3 male coworkers pounced. Great idea! What are you bringing? Here's some money!

Chili was the easiest thing I could think of. I knew I had most of the ingredients in the pantry. I just needed to run to the store and get some disposable bowls and spoons (check). Some cayenne pepper (check). Some shredded cheese (check). Some crackers (frick). Some chili beans (shit).

I did get a jiffy cornbread mix and some peanut butter chips and chocolate frosting to make that old Pampered Chef delicacy Are You Sure That's Fudge?

At least I do have a couple of cans of beans in the pantry...just thought I would need more.

Oh, well, I didn't think we needed more. The man who is actually going to cook my chili in the morning thought we needed more.

He's a keeper.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


too tired for capitalization

or punctuation evidently

2 more days

Monday, November 23, 2009


I got a coupon for $5 of a $25 purchase at walgreen's... SOMEBODY is getting a snuggie for Christmas!

Sunday, November 22, 2009


Just finished the first of five 12 hour shifts in a row. Posts will suffer, I'm afraid.

So, here's a recipe! Stuffed Mushrooms with Cream Cheese and Sausage:



  1. Preheat oven to 350 Fahrenheit.
  2. Separate caps and stems while cleaning the mushrooms.
  3. If cleaning with water, let them drain for a bit.
  4. Start cooking the sausage in frying pan, at a medium to medium/high temperature.
  5. While the sausage is cooking, put the cream cheese into a mixing bowl so it can soften and mince the stem pieces.
  6. Spice the sausage to taste. Garlic is a good addition.
  7. Just before the sausage is done, add the stem pieces and finish cooking.
  8. Drain off the excess grease and add the sausage/stem mixture into the cream cheese.
  9. Mix together well using a wooden spoon or your hands. Be careful, as it will be rather hot.
  10. Set the caps into a 13x9 pan (or larger) with sides.
  11. Optional! Melt enough butter to just put a little in the bottom of each cap or just brush some over the top of each after they're filled. You can put any extra butter in the bottom of the pan.
  12. Fill the caps with the cream cheese/sausage/stem mix.
  13. Add a small amount of water to the bottom of the pan, just enough to cover the bottom.
  14. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes, or until the tops are crusty and the mushrooms have turned dark.
  15. Scoop them out of the pan with a slotted spoon and arrange them on a plate.
  16. Serve warm. They reheat well, so you can make them ahead of time.
  17. *VARIATION 1: Add dried bread crumbs to the mix to make a larger batch without adding more cream cheese or sausage. Onions are also another popular addition.
  18. *VARIATION 2: Use one 8oz. box of cream cheese to two 8oz. pkgs of sausage. It makes for a larger batch that is less rich and tastes just as good.
  19. *FUN HINTS: The cream cheese mix is also very good on bread or crackers! This comes in handy if you you think there might be someone who doesn't like mushrooms - save some of the mix to the side for them to dip with.
Sorry about the weird format. I copied it from my cookbook at recipezaar; that's how they do it.

Saturday, November 21, 2009


In honor of the UT-Vandy game today:

My kids knew the words much better than these at the same age, but at least they are teaching them right.

Friday, November 20, 2009


I'm tired, ya'll.

New Moon was totally worth it, though.

The place was packed. Emily was a little concerned about having to sit next to someone who thought they were a vampire. If only.

We had to sit next to the drunk girls. They ogled and hollered and yelled out major plot points at inappropriate times. It wasn't a big deal to me, but Emily hasn't read the books and she didn't know what was going to happen (she was probably about the only one there who hadn't read it). The worst part was that they smelled like paint thinner and had to pee a lot. It was 2 in the morning and I was all hunkered down in my seat--in the second row--and I couldn't move my legs fast enough when the pee train pulled out of the station. Yes, as soon as one had to pee, at least two more jumped up to go with.

They were showing the movie in three theaters and the cops were out directing traffic at 3 am. That's the most excitement this town has seen since I don't know when.

Oh, guess I'm supposed to write about Joe's Crab Shack now. It was good, but pricey. Portion size was small. The crab cakes on my sliders were half dollar size. The beers were little, too. At least I can say I've been there now. Although I love crab legs et al. I don't like to work that hard for my food.

Now I need to find a good video for my Saturday puff post!

Thursday, November 19, 2009


It will be a miracle if I get this posted--BFF is an apple girl and this computer has a mind of it's own...

So, two posts in one day. Have you ever heard of such a thing?

I am recovering from the festivities. Perhaps when I can get home I will be able to get the crappy pics off my blackberry. Here's a few observations:

I was correct in guessing the average age of last night's concert goer would be 57. This of course meant that the bathrooms would not be overrun with puking teenagers (Hello, Jimmy Buffett!).

There were, however, quite a few young people with their parents or quite possibly grandparents. That was nice. One young lady (about 13 or 14, judging by the orthodontia) got to get up on stage and sing with Bruce.

I wanted to cry every time I saw all those people down on the floor get to lay their hands on him. I was happy just to get to be in the same building as him, but they got to paw all over him. Repeatedly. He even crowd-surfed on Hungry Hearts. And sang while he was doing it. I would have probably passed out if I got to grope his hiney.

We had awesome seats. They should be awesome at $100 a pop. The four people to my left must have money to burn. They sat down the entire time; at one point the woman next to me actually laid her head on her man's shoulder and took a little nap. I wanted to slap her.

I spent $25 on 2 bottles of wine that I didn't even open. I can't wait to get out of this city. It's sucking the money right out of my wallet. Oh, and can you believe they didn't have any Arbor Mist? Didn't sell good enough, evidently. Too lowbrow. Sure, so I have to spend $11.99 on orange infused wine with an orange and white UT checkerboard pattern on the label. In a little bottle, ya'll.

I had better go get ready for my lunch date...I'm going to see an old friend that I haven't seen for almost 19 years! The last time I saw her was probably Emily's baby shower. Then I'm on the way home. Tomorrow we'll discuss how over-priced Joe's Crab Shack is.


This is totally cheating, ya'll, but I'm afraid I'm gonna forget to post tomorrow; I'm gonna write it now and schedule it for tomorrow.

The concert was awesome (I can assume this is the case).

My new bra itched really bad (I know this is true).

My green contact lenses stuck to my eyeballs (again, I know this is true).

Bruce proposed to me but I had to turn him down (could happen).

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

It's Finally Wednesday

Posting might be tricky Thursday. It may not be on my mind when I get home.

After I have a fabulous time in Nashville tonight spurning the advances of The Boss, then recovering my composure Thursday on the ride home, I am supposed to go see New Moon with Emily at midnight...yay!

I didn't exactly love Twilight the movie but I did love the books. I've read them all twice. My ever supportive family looks at me like I have 2 heads when I sit right back down and re-read a book I just finished...but sometimes I just have to. I sometimes get caught up in the story and read it so fast trying to get to the next plot point that I just don't retain it.

Sometimes a story is so good that I just want to read it again. I re-read each Harry Potter book before the next one came out. Yes, I re-read all 6 of them before the last one was released. I re-read all 5 before the 6th one came out. I don't know, you do the math...that's a lot of Harry Potter. I want to re-read the last one before the movie comes out, too, but I don't think I will have time. Since they are splitting the movie into 2 parts I can definitely get it done before the second part. And I have only read that particular installment twice. The night it came out I read for about 18 hours straight, slept for about 3 hours, then got up and finished it. Um, I was working that weekend, too. That's why it took me so long. Then I turned around and read it again at a more leisurely pace.

Every now and again I have to re-read Pride and Prejudice. I've probably read that old chestnut 20 times. That was my go-to book in high school. I am sure I wrote an essay on it all four years...and I'm not nearly as obsessed with it as some people!

Yeah, I'm a little weird, I know it, but it keeps me off the streets and out of trouble (mostly).

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Tomorrow I marry, meet, see Bruce Springsteen!

Monday, November 16, 2009


See, technically it is Monday. Thought I'd go ahead and get this out of the way before I go to bed.

Three days until the Bruce Springsteen concert! I am so excited I could spit. I'm driving down to Nashville Wednesday, BFF and I are eating at Joe's Crab Shack and then we are walking to the arena.

I know. Me. Walking.

I'll do anything for Bruce.

While I'm there we are getting together with another old friend and recreating a photo that was taken in 1990. That should be interesting. It will be awesome to see Sara, though.

And no, you can't see, so don't even ask!

Sunday, November 15, 2009


Posting on the weekend is hard, ya'll!

I got home around midnight, made Emily and I grilled cheese sandwiches, watched King of the Hill, took a shower and got in bed around 1 am.

Got up at 8:30, took another shower (you can never be too clean), started a load of laundry, and now here I am, composing this awesome post.

During the first week of NaBlo Fussy just wrote "POST!"; that was pretty tempting for this morning. I guess it's alright for her to do that, ya know, since she invented NaBlo, but I may need to pull that little trick out later this month.

Okay, it's 9:04 and I better get a move on if I want a Hardee's biscuit this morning. When don't I want a Hardee's biscuit?

Saturday, November 14, 2009


I'm off to 12 hours of work...yay.

Think of me when you are singing this song later today:

You're welcome.


Friday, November 13, 2009


I got nothing today.

All I could think of was the fact that Jesse Hubbard is alive and well on All My Children.

Ok, I doubt he is well. It is a soap opera, after all. A soap opera that I stopped watching at least 5 years ago. But 25 years ago I watched it faithfully. I happened to be on vacation in Gulf Shores, Alabama (this was before I hated oceans and still tolerated Alabama) the week that Jesse died. It took him all week, ya'll, and I cried like a baby. Then I got a ticket to go to the Firecracker 400 in Daytona and I was alright.

So what's the point? Um. Let me think. Stay away from the ocean. Alabama sucks. NASCAR is no longer stock car racing. And I wonder how Jesse came back to life?!

Thursday, November 12, 2009


Today's post was supposed to be all about our new dog.

But we don't have a new dog.

My husband started sending me pictures yesterday around 11 am of a dog named Emmie. She looks very similar to our dog, Chance. I asked him if it was a new girlfriend for Chance? I'll call you later was all he said.

It turns out that Emmie has moved in with a family of Mr. Man's coworker because her owners don't feed or water her or provide her with any shelter. She is only about 4 months old. The family she has been living with already have 3 dogs of their own and don't really need another one.

Our dog is lonely. We installed a pet fence last year and although he has about 3 acres to run around in, he misses visiting everyone within a mile of our house. So, Mr. Man thought perhaps Emmie would make a nice companion for him. She is young enough that she should be easy to train on the fence.

I thought it was a great idea. My daughter's only concern was the name. Emmie is a little to close to Emily. Since Chance's full name is Sheriff John T. Chance (John Wayne's character in Rio Bravo) it only made sense that Emmie get a new John Wayne name, too. Katie Elder came to me first, but I went ahead and looked up the female leads from Rio Bravo (Feathers!) and Rooster Cogburn (Eula!). Katie Elder it would be. Mr. Man was very pleased.

Then the bad news came. Emmie's original owner saw Emmie's current owner snapping pictures of her on the cellphone and got a pretty good idea of what was about to happen. He went and got her and chained her back up in his yard.

Now we are torn. We got excited about the prospect of her, but we don't want to steal anybody's dog. We would probably being saving her, in some manner, but she isn't really ours to save.

I'm really disappointed and I don't know why. I don't even like dogs.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Happy Veteran's Day

I used to work with a guy that was pretty much the complete opposite of a joy to work with. He was very negative and would never help anyone else. The most annoying thing was that he listened to Rush Limbaugh every afternoon.

No one can get me fired up quite like RL. It was pure torture for me to have to work with this guy. He was ecstatic when he found out I was a Democrat (the only one out of about 15 of us). When I worked afternoons with him he would have a whole laundry list of things he wanted to harass me about. It got to the point that I would start to tell him the most ludicrous things just to get him to leave me alone. I once told him that since I was a Democrat, I thought every woman should have an abortion. Whether she needed one or not. He never broached that subject again.

My coping mechanism became passivity. I just refused to engage him...he would eventually give up. The only subject I couldn't ignore was patriotism. It is a common misconception among conservatives that more liberal-minded Americans are not as patriotic as they are. I asked what his definition of patriotism was. He said it was love for your country. I asked him how one would express love for his country. He said by supporting our troops. I asked him what made him think that I didn't support our troops? Just because I didn't believe in the war they were fighting, I wanted them all to be safe and to make it back home. I appreciated all the hard work they were doing on our behalf. I told him I thought casting my vote in every (and I do mean every) election was my most patriotic duty. I donate money to the USO. I send my old cell phones to soldiers overseas. And as much as I hate what he says, I respect RL's first amendment right to express his opinion (although I don't think he feels the same way about mine).

I never changed his mind about anything else, but he never questioned my patriotism again.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I Didn't Bite Anyone Yesterday

You know, this blogging every day business is hard.

Especially for someone like me...nothing interesting happens to me. Usually.

I alluded to a post I couldn't publish yesterday because it was too personal. Well, it still is; but the story behind it kind of figures into this one.

Let me start by saying, wine in a box is a great thing. It is very economical (5 liters for less than $15, usually). It stays fresh in that miraculous little bag inside that streamlined box once you open it. At least that's what the hype on the outside of the box says.

See, that normally isn't an issue at my house. Once I poke out the little circle on the side, extract the little tap, and pull off that adorable little silver, uh, thingy that keeps it from leaking, the box is empty within 3 days. Sometimes quicker than that.

It's all because of the box's worst feature: you can't see how much you are drinking. With a bottle of wine I know that once it is empty I should stop. Well, if it is one of those big bottles. If it is one of the little bottles, I can have another one and then I should stop.

It doesn't help that my wine glass is actually a 20 ounce water goblet. That way, I don't have to get up as often to refill.

Saturday night my husband went to bed around 9 pm. Both the kids were out and I was left all alone. By the time Tennessee was done humiliating Memphis I was having hot unfortunate byproduct of me drinking wine. I parked myself in front of the computer, cranked up the Elvis Costello channel on Pandora, and started trolling the interwebs.

I'm a horrible storyteller, ya'll.

Cut to Monday. I get home from work. I take a shower and get all freshened up (we call that taking a canoe ride, by the refers to an old douche commercial where 2 ladies are in a canoe talking about freshening up). Then I settle down to the computer for a little catch up.

I was thrilled to see that I had a comment from someone new. She said she would be interested to know if I had bitten anyone on my first day back to work. WTF? Now I'm like, I have a crazy commenter...I'm so cool!!!

So I click on her name and check her out. I see her blog name and think, I've heard of that. I go to the blog and see by her blogroll that she too follows The Bloggess. That must be where I have heard of her blog. I read the first post. It's really funny. I read the post before that and think...whoa, she totally stole this. I know I have read parts of this somewhere, a long time ago. When I get to the end I read the comments. Guess who made a comment there at 11 pm Saturday night? Yep, that would be me. I totally do not remember doing that. Luckily, it wasn't a totally inappropriate comment, or too terribly written. I just don't remember writing it. But I said that I planned on biting a coworker when I returned to work on Monday, so her comment now made perfect sense. Here's her post. That should clear up any confusion.

I didn't go to bed until 2 am that morning. Then I woke up at 6:30 in a total panic. Although I did not remember commenting on Christine's blog, I did remember posting on facebook. On one friend's wall I posted that I had had a dream about him the night before. That was true, but it would have been better suited to a personal email. On another friend's wall I responded to her reaction to the House vote on Health Care. And to her friend's reaction to her reaction. They all agreed with each other; suffice it to say that I did not. And I was drunk, ya'll.

I will be the first to admit that I can get a little obnoxious whilst intoxicated. If I am under stress when said intoxication occurs (say, after my father's memorial service) I can get really obnoxious. And if my husband isn't around to kind of rein me in...well, I can get, um, I don't even know what to call that.

And I know better than to get drunk and start typing. It has bitten me in the ass before. I usually stick to playing Know It All on boxerjam. That game moves too fast for any chatting. I just say all my obnoxious comments to the monitor and no one is the wiser.

In the end it all turned out to be fine. When Dg wanted to know about the dream, I wrote him an email. And I had had the presence of mind to send Suzi a personal message on fb and apologize preemptively about my posts. She responded this morning by telling me that they weren't out of line...that I was entitled to my opinion, even if that opinion was wrong LOL.

Dodged another bullet.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Monday, Monday

Well, today I go back to work. Not that riveting a topic.

I have a draft of a post I wrote yesterday all about how I hate facebook, but it took a strange turn and ended up being a little too personal. I'm not sure how that happened. Honestly, I'm too afraid to post it. I go back to work!

I feel like being all junior high about it and pout because only my 2 weekend coworkers called to check on me during this whole 6 weeks. Everyone got all upset because they thought I wasn't coming back today. No one even bothered to call me and ask (except my supervisor). My 2 boys knew the answer, but in true QA Lab fashion, they didn't tell anyone else. They enjoyed watching them all twist in the wind. God love 'em.

I did get a little blog maintenance completed this weekend. Cleaned up the tags, read a little Blogging for Dummies. Did you know that you can audioblog? Or just post audio clips in your blog? I didn't. If I had known that I would have made a clip of me and BFF singing karaoke when she was here. Our rendition of Kodachrome was awe-inspiring (or maybe just awful; if I had a clip of it I would know).

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The after

Yes, I survived it.

We will not talk of the atrocities I encountered.

I washed my hands three times then took a shower.

I think my fake pearls dangling from the guitar hero world tour drum kit is a nice touch(that is a before). I have no idea where he found them.

(It took me 4 hours, ya'll. Thank goodness UT whooped some ass. BTW, when did Memphis State become just plain ole Memphis?)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I Heart You Online

I'm a sucker for a ukelele!

I'll be singing this while cleaning out the boy's room today. See you on the other side!

Friday, November 6, 2009


Only 3 days of freedom left.

I go back to work on Monday. Sigh.

I just got off the phone with one of my coworkers and that place is a mess. I've been gone just about 6 weeks and they are in shambles, sniping and fighting amongst themselves.

I've missed all the fun! Usually I am blamed as the shit-stirrer (and it is hardly ever true--I just have a devout legion of haters) . I wonder how they are going to pin this on me? Maybe my powers extend 10 miles north. That would be awesome.

At least I know. I would hate to head into the maelstrom unprepared.

So what will I do with my remaining free time? Try to find a dish drainer that is shorter than 14.25 inches long. Buy some dog food. Pick up the 335 pictures I emailed to Walgreens for developing yesterday. Sort out the tags on my blog (what a mess!) and figure out how to put the pictures where I really want them to be (Hello, Blogging for Dummies). And that's just today!

Tomorrow is Tennessee vs. Memphis at 6pm on ESPNU. Already set the dvr. Oh, and clean my son's room:

If only you had smell-o-vision. The picture doesn't do it justice! It's a mixture of dirty boy and 10 gallons of axe. (By the way, it took me at least 7 minutes to get that picture in the right place). The bumper sticker on his door says We Love Vegetarians--More Meat For Us! And the paint scheme is Sponge Bob. There's a white rope between the yellow and khaki--to hold SB's pants up.

I'll spend all day Sunday in a bad mood. Don't come to visit.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

You Reap What You Sow

Attention drivers in the Jefferson/Washington County area:

I am in a 1 ton yellowish GMC flatbed truck pulling a rusty grain wagon. The clutch is marginal and the brakes are touchy as all get out. It is a 3 speed and as much as I would like to go the speed limit, 45 is all we got. Please feel free to pass me, as long as it is not in a no pass area. They are no pass zones for a reason, people. Oh, and I need a llllooooottttt of room to get out of the elevator drive.

I just realized that my husband can probably figure out how much I weigh by looking at the elevator ticket. I guess I need to load up some spare seed corn bags and combine parts. He has to know that I can't possible weigh 700 pounds (or I would have my own special on the Discovery Channel).

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Daughter

Isn't she pretty? I could post the whole rest of the month with pictures of her!

We had her senior pictures made last month in St. Louis and they turned out fabulous. We didn't use one of the fancier (and pricier) studios around here. One of her friends from a car club she belongs to is trying to establish a photography business and she and her son did them for a $20 sitting fee. Then they gave me a cd with 166 pics for $50!! Honestly, I spent way more on the clothes she wore that day.

Any day I am stuck for a post I guess I will just pull out an awesome picture. Yay for me!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Drama

The day before I had my surgery back in September we had some Drama.

I have seen other bloggers grapple with the privacy issue in the past and had discussed it with my kids before I decided to post. My daughter says I can use her name and pictures and everything, she is all for internet notoriety of the not-naked kind. My son said he didn't care, no one was going to read it anyway. Well, he is mostly right.

But now something has happened in our house that makes me rethink my stance. Somebody did something that they shouldn't have and it would make an excellent post--to read. It would be hard to write and could maybe affect someone later in life, or at least be embarrassing.

So, one of the kids did something. At the time I thought it was awful and I cried and yelled and carried on. It just took me by surprise because my kids really are good kids; well-behaved, respectful (mostly;they both have wise mouths on them--don't know where they get it--but they know when to behave), good students. Then I realized that it wasn't really so huge in the grand scheme of things. It was a youthful indiscretion, one they won't be quick to repeat after they saw how nuts it made me.

The fact that it took place the night before my surgery was the real kicker. I know it sounds crazy since I write this blog where I sometimes share personal things, but I tend to be rather private. My coworkers might disagree because I have been known to share a little too much of my sex life, and they all knew that I peed my pants every time I sneezed twice. But there are plenty of goings-on I never divulged. No one in my extended family even knew I was having surgery. I went by myself and that was how I wanted it. So when the Drama hit I only called one person, BFF. I had already come to the conclusion I was overreacting and she confirmed it. She was more bothered by the child's stupidity in getting caught in the misdeed. She thought that any child of mine should be able to sneak around better. I had to admit that the circumstances were pretty funny. So I told BFF, the child in question told one person, the other child told 2 people, and my husband told no one. He is the king of privacy.

So, the first real grounding took place in our household. Two long weeks. It worked out well for me because I couldn't lift anything after my surgery, or bend or stoop, so I had my own personal valet at my beck and call. The 2 weeks were served with absolutely no backtalk or negotiations. The child was apologetic and eager to please. At the end of the sentence I believed we would never have another transgression. That is probably naive of me. But so far, so good.

Monday, November 2, 2009

The Third Saturday in October

Since I need to post everyday this month, I can now go back and post all the things I should have blogged about when they happened. FYI--I am very lazy...this happens a lot.

Now the title of today's masterpiece refers to the annual Tennessee-(I hate)Alabama game which historically took place on, you guessed it, The Third Saturday in October. Only now it doesn't take place then. It was the fourth Saturday, but meh, it just doesn't sound as good.

Since I moved to the black hole that is Southern Illinois back in 1994 I haven't exactly kept up with Tennessee Football. Yes, I mean Football with a capital F. I work weekends in a factory and I don't see the outside world except for when I'm coming in or going out. I didn't know about Peyton Manning or the National Championship or anything! And this from the girl who didn't miss a single home game during my illustrious college career (I managed to mooch a ride to several of the away games, too).

A couple of years ago I did a 6 month stint on the midnight shift and I got to watch or listen to several games. That's when my family learned just how loud and obnoxious I could be. When I found out I was going to have surgery again this year I was pleased to find out I would be home for most of this season. When the BFF scheduled her annual fall trek to the black hole we didn't realize right away that she would be here then. It was fate!

She came bearing gifts (a UT snuggie and 4 orange reusable shopping bags with big white T's on them) while I had a chilled box of white merlot on tap in the fridge. She was childless this weekend and since both mine are mo-bile now we were able to enjoy a loud girls night of bonding. I don't remember what we talked about (imagine that!).

The next morning we headed to the Schnuck's. We had decided the menu would consist of stuffed mushrooms and cheese dip, while the cocktails would be Big Orange Screws (screwdrivers with peach schnapps). I started cooking the goodies while she had a little nap (we don't bounce back nearly as quickly as we used to). Then it was time for kickoff.

Luckily my kids did not stick around for the show. One of their favorite past times is to watch me get wound up while watching football, and I did not disappoint on this day. I won't rehash the particulars here--it's still a little too raw. In retrospect it was an excellent game and they battled valiantly. But if I had my way someone would have beat the snot out of that field goal "kicker" (and I use that term loosely). My husband thought I was having a heart attack with 4 seconds left in the game. No, I was just hyperventilating. I guess the rest of the world didn't take it as hard as I did because when I offered to head the line of people wanting to beat that kid with a bar of soap in a tube sock ala Full Metal Jacket on facebook, no one joined me. NO ONE! I couldn't believe it.

Also, BFF received a call during the first half informing her that her house had been broken into. It was awful. I tried to be a good friend, but I finally got her attention back on the game. And the Big Orange Screws. After all the heartbreak we fired up the karaoke **Note to Self--Get new karaoke discs. No one wants to sing Genie in a Bottle. No one.**

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Here goes nothing

Yippee! It's November 1st, and you know what that means, right?

It's NaBloPoMo! Awesome!

I can barely remember to blog once a month and now I am supposed to blog every single day for a month straight.

I think I am supposed to post it somewhere else and tell somebody something; it's all kinda fuzzy. I first signed up 3 years ago, I think, and for some reason I can't remember the details.

Doesn't matter. I don't think I should be advertising my lameness. Wouldn't want that getting around. I just need to concentrate on remembering to stop by here everyday and post something.

So, 1 down, 29 to go!

Monday, October 19, 2009


Ok, I'll admit it. I love them.

It's kind of funny, really, since one of my favorite pastimes is to take a red pencil to the local paper. Any written document, actually. Or store signage. Or billboards.

Bad grammar is all around us, my friends. It drives me nuts. But it is good for my self esteem. I feel superior to those offenders. Yet every day I stop by to look at the lolcats and their horrifying grammar. And I crack up.

It's funny when somebody new shows up and has a tizzy about the "typos". Most of the regulars handle it well--they gently try to explain what is going on. They are a very friendly little community over there. I feel like I know many of them, even though I don't participate.

Well, that's not completely true. I did my best to rescue someone who had *splorted* at a particularly cute kitty. There is a whole routine involved with a crash cart, floofy blankies, and chocolate. Also scooping up brains and rinsing them with water. I had read it a hundred times, so when I noticed that someone had got lost in the shuffle, I jumped right in.

It's a lot harder than it looks, spelling that atrociously! I wasn't very good at it, but I did manage to scoop it all up and fasten it back in with duct tape. I felt like a hero the rest of the day.

I must admit that I am pretty rusty on comma usage these days. I think they have changed the rules since the 70s and 80s--just like they did with math. I still can't figure out how they managed to come up with another way to add and subtract; I don't know how to do it.

Oh, I can get the right answer, it's just not the "right" way. Some kind of nonsense about banks and borrowing; I'm a little foggy on the details (I may have quit paying attention when my kids were trying to explain it while I was doing the math in my head). And algebra is taught completely differently, but I can figure out x just about every time. And I can still f o i l (glad to see they didn't change that one--mnemonics are awesome!).

See, now is that punctuation right? Why don't they have punctuation check? Hey, don't look at me--I have no idea how to do it. But I expect a cut if someone actually does figure it out.

Saturday, October 3, 2009



Yes, that's when the game comes on. You know. The Game.

It's sad, really, but when you live out in the boonies you have to make your own entertainment. I usually work every weekend so my homies are forced to entertain themselves. But since I recently had surgery, I will be home for the next 5 glorious weeks! And that means that I am the entertainment.

There are certain things that would never be watched on our tv. But if I want to watch The Big Joe Polka Show they will let me. Then they will watch me. And laugh. But I don't care, 'cause Momma loves her some polka music.

They also never, ever watch sports, except for the occasional NASCAR race (aka nap time) and sometimes the super bowl. But tonight, at 6;45, for the first time since I don't know when, I can watch my beloved Tennessee Volunteers on tv. And they will hopefully win.

My family, meanwhile, will be tuned in to ChristyTV. They will laugh and point and roll their eyes when I yell at the tv. They will pretend to ignore me when I sing Rocky Top at the top of my lungs every time The Pride of the Southland Marching Band breaks into song. But inside I know they will be singing along.

See, most kids learn the alphabet song or Twinkle Twinkle for their first song. Not my kids. The first song they learned was Rocky Top. (The second song was You Never Even Called Me By My Name by David Alan Coe--true story). And they will root along side me. All the while mocking me. It's what we do. And I love it.

Monday, September 28, 2009


There has just been too much drama going on lately. I had an awesome post planned for my daughter's 18th birthday, back on the 14th. I started leaving her posts on her facebook page on the 13th telling her what was happening at this time 18 years ago, culminating in her birth at 1:58 am. I was going to compose a fitting tribute for her here that day but a young lady that went to my children's school, and also happened to be 18, was killed on the morning of the 14th in a car accident. It did not seem proper for me to be celebrating the life of my daughter when another mother was having to deal with the death of hers. And that accident happened less than a quarter mile from where Emily had her wreck 2 years ago.

We had a major episode of drama again on Wednesday, the night before I had my surgery. It was painful and awful and is still ongoing. Maybe in a couple of weeks it won't be so raw. It may even be funny, who knows? We'll discuss it later.

So far my surgery seems to be successful--I haven't peed on myself once! And did you know percoset + zinfandel = long nap? It does. I'm kinda depressed being here all alone with nothing to do. I can't bend or stoop or pick up anything heavier than a gallon of milk for 4 weeks. Not that I was going to clean the house or anything. But there always seems to be something interesting on the floor that I would like to pick up and I have no minions here now to get them for me. I think I will go get one of those long handled grabber things that they used to give away when you bought a scooter from the scooter store. The old people in those commercials all looked really tickled with them.

Ok, so what will I do with all this time off? I think I need to drag out my copy of blogging for dummies and figure out the "labels for this post". Right now it is suggesting scooters, vacation, fall. I know I have whine and polka posts. I need a better labeling system. Am I rambling? I think I will not take a percoset tomorrow and see how the blogging goes. It makes my scalp itchy, anyway.

Friday, September 11, 2009


Oh. My. God.

I had been typing for the entire episode of King of the Hill and ranted and raved about my horrible, terrible day; in one freakish contortion of my fingers I hit the absolute wrong combination of keys and everything disappears and the little autosave flashes at the bottom of the screen and it is all gone. POOF.

That is the bozo button on the lapel of my horrible, terrible day. It sucked balls. Donkey balls. Big ones.

But it is over. I remained calm (mostly) and worked my way through it and did all the things that needed to be done and I just wanted to share. Is that so wrong? I don't think so. But. POOF.

Well, fine. King of the Hill is over and I need to go to bed. I will deal with this tomorrow. And I will make it to the store to get whine. I mean wine. I know where I can get some for 30% off.

Monday, September 7, 2009


Yes, Monday is almost over--but to me it is almost Friday.

I brought this up once but didn't think my imaginary audience was up to the task of grasping my alternate universe. Ready? Here goes:

I work in a factory. This factory has 5 shifts: A (11pm - 7am Mon - Fri), B (7am - 3pm Mon - Fri), C (3pm - 11pm Mon - Fri), D (11pm - 11am Sat & Sun), and E (11am - 11pm Sat - Sun). Some departments also have an F shift (5am - 5pm weekends) and there are some variances but, meh. They don't concern us.

At this factory generally you are either a Monday thru Friday person or a weekender. When I hired in, in 1995, I was told I would be a weekender for life. That turned out to not be true. I could be on straight A shift, aka Midnights, but choose to remain a weekender. I work E shift and Monday & Tuesday C shift. I consider my weekend to be Wednesday, Thursday and Friday since those are my days off. That makes Saturday my Monday and Tuesday my Friday. It's a little muddled there in the middle. I mean, when exactly is my Wednesday? Who cares! I just need to know when my Friday is.

This perverted logic makes perfect sense to me and my co-workers; probably other factory/shift workers get it, too. But absolutely no one else understands. Nor can anyone else in the world keep my work schedule straight. That includes my children. I have worked this particular schedule for many years. I did a stint on Midnights a few years back, but only for 6 months since we have a shift alignment twice a year. But almost every day one child, sometimes both, asks me if I have to work today, or tomorrow, or this weekend. My grandmother, bless her heart, has had this schedule taped up on her refrigerator for years, and has been told repeatedly that it is ALWAYS safe to call me on Wednesdays, yet she invariably calls me on Saturday mornings.

I will celebrate my 15th anniversary at the hole (as in hell hole) on February 2nd and grandma still calls me on Saturdays. Even bff likes to call me at 4:45 on Tuesdays. Sometimes. The best part of that 6 month stint on Midnights was talking to her every morning on my way home while she was commuting to work. Well, that and drinking heavily on Saturday afternoons and listening to UT football games on yahoo and stomping and whooping it up and embarassing my kids and then taking a nap.

So, I just burned 3 days vacation and it rained so we didn't get to go to the drag races; we went to the wrong salvage yard and they were closed so we didn't get to take advantage of the 50% off sale at the Pick and Pull; and I ran out of wine. Crappy weekend all the way around. But tomorrow is Friday, the only day I have to work this week, and then it's a 3 day weekend! Hurray!!

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Test

Last Monday I went back to the doctor. Again. To have the test. Again.

This isn't like all the times when I went to have the blood drawn. So many times that I looked like a junkie. Only to find out that the girl who did my bleeding test the first time did it wrong. That was why I wouldn't clot and we all thought I was dying.

No, this was cystometrics. First, you have to pee in front of somebody. That gets you two acquainted--an ice-breaker, if you will. Then the real fun begins.

They use a pediatric catheter to cause less pain, but, OUCH. The first time it felt like fiberglass. This one just felt intrusive. Did you know I have an unusually short urethra? Well, I do. It is only 7 cm long (a typical female urethra is 10 cm long). There was the insertion of something else, somewhere else, but I didn't ask why. Something about offsetting pressure in my bladder? Luckily for me it was the front door and not the back.

Then the pumping of the water commences. You have to tell them when you have the first sensation of needing to pee. Uh, now. Hmm. Then you have to tell them when you would get serious about looking for a rest stop if you were on the interstate. Yes, now. And finally, you tell them when you absolutely can't take it anymore. NOW!

This next part--well, all I can say is she got what she deserved. She violates me with rubber tubing, disparages my urethra, pumps me full of water, then ASKS ME TO COUGH!!!

Oh, yes I did. I peed all over that table.

There was more after that, but it was slightly anti-climactic.

I'm not sure if I passed that test or not.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


You know, half the time I forget I even have a blog. I was signing up for this site called Mixing Bowl, which is basically a facebook for foodies, when I had to look up my blog for the url. That's sad, really. I don't even know my own url.

Anyway, I look it up, and I have a follower! And I don't think it is someone I know. Now I feel pressure to perform. But I will not let it frighten me! The night I set up my account I kept forwarding through the blogs until I found kunkkink and I started to follow her (mainly because the English was just so atrocious, I thought it was hilarious). Well, she never posted again. I hope it wasn't because of me. Surely I don't wield that kind of power. And if I do, I need to learn how to direct it toward the people I work with so they will do my bidding. Other than the 2 that already do.

Now I just have to come up with some awesome posts. I can't waste an entire post on the fact that I am now washing my hair again. That experiment was a total failure. My hair looked better for about a week and then it just looked dirty and I am too lazy to try and tweak my shampooing ritual to find out the best way to balance washing/not washing. I'm just gonna wash. And condition. And curl creme. And probably color it again. The red washed out pretty quick, and that was disappointing. Bruce Springsteen is never gonna leave that woman for me unless my hair is red--I just know it. I have until November 18 to get it right.

Oh, and I need to find my camera. I have a book shelf full of empty wine bottles that I need to document for posterity.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

A Confession

OK, don't judge me. I washed my hair today...for the first time in almost a week!

I know! Sounds gross, huh? Next thing you know I'm gonna go all Matthew McConaughey on your ass and stop using deodorant, too.

No, I read (in two separate places, no less) that not washing your hair was good for curly hair. Since my hair is getting curlier as I get older, I thought I would try it.

The first place I read it was on Bossy's blog. As I recall, it didn't work out too well for her. But she has really bad luck with her hair. Once she got highlights that she said made her hair look like it was having a period. Yes, menstrual blood highlights. One reader suggested she use olive oil in the shower for a hot oil treatment. That one didn't work out too well, either. She lives in Virginia, but goes all the way to New York City (New York City!) to get her hair cut. (He isn't the one who gave her menstrual blood highlights.) I would give my left titty; wait, no, I need that one. I would give my right titty for a New York City haircut. I would prefer it to be by Nick Arrojo. And he would tell me what kind of curl creme he uses on tv. I NEED that curl creme.

Anyway, I also read it in a Jennifer Crusie book called Bet Me. Yes, I like to take hair advice from paperback novels. I liked the book, so I thought I would give it a try.

This is not something I could have gotten away with when I was younger. I was much too oily for that. But now that my hair is downright crunchy, it couldn't hurt, right?

Right, as it turns out. Most days I just rinsed it really well with water. A couple of days I used some conditioner that I rinsed out. I went ahead and washed and conditioned it today because I have been at work for the last 3 days and I wanted to be completely sure that my hair didn't smell like a tire factory.

Overall, I was pleased with the outcome. My hair was soft and not too frizzy. My drugstore curl creme was performing as well as could be expected, since I don't know what Nick uses. And nobody asked me how long it had been since I washed my hair. My son would have been all over it if he had any inkling what was going on. I told absolutely no one...until now.

I think it could be doable. I just can't imagine never washing my hair ever again, though. But I should save a fortune on shampoo. Maybe I can splurge on some fancy conditioner--or curl creme. God, I want to know what he uses. Time to google.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Time to Purge

Sheesh, I think I forgot I even had a blog. I blame it on the cholesterol-lowering cocktail I am on, since that's what I blame everything on these days.

The most exciting news is that I am going to see Bruce Springsteen with bff Betsy. It should have been on Sept. 10, which was a totally cool day; now it is Nov. 18. That is not such a cool day, but whatcha gonna do? Not go?! At least when it was in Sept. I could say, "I can't go to my hs reunion because I am coming to Nashville on the 10th for the Springsteen concert." Now I just have to say, "Nope. The last one was lame. I'm not wasting my time again." And I mean no offense to the people who planned the last one. Everything was lovely, really. It's just that the people I really wanted to see didn't show up. It appears that some of them may actually go this time, but now we have facebook, so I don't really need to see them in person. Oh, and no one has actually asked if I'm going to be there, so my presence will not be missed. Sorta like hs all over again.

I think it is time to do a massive purge of the friend list on facebook. I would friend just about anybody at the beginning. Some of these people update constantly and I could really give a monkey's ass. But I have heard from some people I had given up ever hearing from, so that is totally cool. I just hate it when someone actually takes the time to seek me out then says nothing at all to me. I guess I am guilty of it to, but ex-boyfriends don't count! What would I ever say that wouldn't sound like I am stalking them, which I kinda am?

Ok, I have no pictures today; I don't even know where my camera is. The potent potable of the day is a white sangria slushy type concoction that came in a bucket that I mixed with a fifth of
Smirnoff. It's yummy! I also mixed up a bucket of Cranberry-Mandarin that I mixed with a fifth of Cranberry Finlandia. Quite a splurge for me. Tunes are once again the Elvis Costello channel of Pandora. I am about to fry up a mess of green tomatoes and start in on the Big Joe Super Show I taped Saturday night. This has been perfect use of a vacation day, I think.

Monday, July 13, 2009

July 12

There are two very important things about July 12, 2009.

First, I had an awesome hair day today. This is the first time since the whole OMG-my-hair-is-red debacle that it has looked decent. And it was not just decent it was a w e s o m e. And I'm sure every one at work noticed. Just because they didn't say anything doesn't mean that they didn't notice.

July 12, 2009 is also our 12th wedding anniversary. Go us!

Man, my hair looked good. I wish you could have seen it.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

She is broken

My weather girl is STILL holding her umbrella. And I am pretty sure she should be in her bikini by now.

The heat index is around 105, so we are putting up hay. And, again, when I say "we", I mean I have the most important job of all--air conditioner monitor. 72.9 is a little on the high side, but I actually had to go put my socks on, so I think it is cooler at the computer. I am also doing the important job off feeding stinky hay hands. Chicken kebabs! Potato salad! Cupcakes!! They came in for a drink before delivering the first trailer load, and, oh mylanta, they smell bad.

...For Dummies

I am not even through the second chapter of Wine For Dummies and I have come to the conclusion it is a lost cause. I should just stick to my cheap ole box o'wine because I like it. There are undoubtedly lots of really good wines out there, but I don't think I would know them if they came up to me and dribbled down the front of my shirt. Tannic and acidic, mouth aromas, spicy, earthy, hardness, firmness. I forget what we're talking about. Oh, yeah.

Chapter 1 tells me to slow down and pay attention. Huh. You don't know me very well, do you (in the immortal words of Bugs Bunny). I'll keep slogging through, but the person who owned this book first highlighted some of the stangest things:

I wonder if I really need to remember the retronasal passage is the nose for wine. I hope there's not gonna be a quiz.

Friday, June 26, 2009


Yes, it's Friday, and you know what that means, right? Fajitas--pronounced fah-JI-tahs. Though we had "flat-iron steak" (which I am pretty sure is flank steak) on the grill last night along with the gorgonzola penne that only Chance (the dog) and I would eat. Chris wrapped his up in a tortilla and drowned it in sour cream, so I think we should re-institute Friday pizza night.

I was wondering about the memo my employer sent out before my 2 week time out, informing me that my paycheck would be a day late; my poor German colleagues won't get paid until the 3rd! They said not to worry, it's not a sign of insolvency or anything. It's just that they will save millions of dollars, or euros, by deferring some blah blah blah, but everything is okay. It made me think of all those women who go on Maury and swear that this guy here, he's the daddy of my baby. I am positive, I just know that he is. And you know what? He never is. I watched a whole hour of this garbage and not once was this guy the daddy. No matter how much she swore he was. I'm afraid Hippe, or whoever repalced him, or the guy that replaced him, is blowing smoke up my you know where.

And, no, I don't usually watch Maury Povich. But it is summer break, and it tends to be on in my house every afternoon. And it's like a car wreck or something. I just can't look away. There seems to really only be 2 kinds of Maury show--who's my baby's daddy and is this pretty woman male or female. I know! But I can't help myself

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Day 4

Well, I have gotten thru 4 days of unenjoyment--celebrated by mowing for 4 hours and getting a sunburn.

Hey, speaking of the number 4! I had 4 visitors to my blog today. I asked my bff if she happened to check it out on 4 separate occassions today and sadly she said no. Now, I realize the point is for people to read this, but, I don't know. How am I going to make fun of ya'll if you're reading over my shoulder? Still no comments, though. Guess that's a good thing; I'm kinda sensitive.

So, bff and I partook of the vino and chatted on facebook last night. That was fun. She was thoroughly enjoying the whole reconnecting thing and I was telling her this guy that I was soooo
in love with in hs friended me and I was just beside myself and she said, "Isn't that the guy who saw me in my bra in your swimming pool?" And I was, like, "Huh?" And that kicked loose some cobwebs, and now I have a new friend on facebook and I'm afraid to ask him if he saw my friend in her bra. I get really excited about finding these old friends, then I don't know what to do. I want to go, "Do you really remember me?" I just feel so flattered.

I had lots of good ideas for posts while I was mowing, but they were all terribly inappropriate. No one wants that kind of information. And I keep reminding myself that I may have to actually look for a job someday very soon, so I try to be mindful of what kind of trail I am leaving out here. Hate to lose a job because I blogged about my failed bladder correction surgery. But it's a good story, let me tell you. Dang, I'm gonna have to tell that one.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I Miss my Dad

With all this unemployed crap going on, I really miss having my dad around to give me advice. He would understand all the corporate-speak going on now, although he was more fluent in the Italian version. He still understood the German-version that I am getting. I never asked him for advice when I had the chance, and now I really, really need it. I can't believe it has been almost 4 years. I still think I see him sometimes. It's weird. And sad, because my mom has been gone for, omg, just about 14 years, and the only time I think I see her is when I look at old photos of myself. But, I see older men in town and something about them reminds me of him. And I just get so sad.

I was all boohoo writing this, but the dvr just switched over to the Big Joe Polka Show, and, well, you just can't be sad when there is polka music on! I need another cup o'wine and a good polka, that's what I need. I hope that hot guy in the leiderhosen is on tonight. No one plays a dulcimer quite like him!

Friday, June 19, 2009


This wine was also a disappointment last night. Yes, I know I shouldn't be chilling it in the freezer. Patience may be a virtue, but not a virtue that I possess. Come to think of it, I'm not sure that there are any virtues I possess, other than having an honest vagina. (I heart bloggess).

I did a little better with this one--it evidently should have been consumed one year ago, instead of two. I guess I just have an immature palate. Sheesh, how many times have I heard that? So for those of you keeping track, I wasted $16.98 on undrinkable wine yesterday. Oh, plus tax.

And here's the tuneage for today. Wouldn't play in the disc changer, but it sounds fine on the desktop. Actually, it's pretty good. And yes, someday I might learn how to control my pictures.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Picture Overload

There are a couple of things to note on this bottle. First is Nouveau. According to Al Gore's Interwebs, the first bottling of the beaujolais season is the Nouveau and Beaujolais Nouveau day is the 3rd Thursday in November, making the B.N. perfect for Thanksgiving. You are supposed to drink it right away. So kindly note the 2007 on the bottle. Ummm. The first sip was--okay.
The second was icky. Yes, there is cork in my glass, but it didn't help. Oh, you may also notice the $6.99 price tag from the clearance barrel at the liquor store. I was so proud of myself. I promptly ordered Wine for Dummies. 75 cents on And I just realized there is no cent sign on the keyboard. There used to be, I am sure, when I learned to type on a Selectric. I bet it was on the 6 key. I don't know what that thing is on the 6 now, but I never ever use it. I would, however, use a cent sign. Occassionally.

Ahh, my fridge:

Why 2 box o' wines, you ask? That one on the left will run out, probably sooner rather than later, and those bad girls take a while to chill. Why 2 kinds of milk, you ask? Boy, you're nosy.
The skim milk (blue cap) we drink. The whole milk (red cap) is the goat's milk. No, not goat milk. Milk for the goat to drink. Her name is Tinkerbell and her mama is a bitch. It's just a little mastitis. I know it hurts, but dang. The other 2 kids died right away. We've been bottle feeding her for about 3 weeks or so now. She's a sweetie. And when I say we, I mean that I did it for the first week or so, but school is out and Chris is already up at 7. And my husband has this special rapport with goats, so she really enjoys getting her night feeding from him. And, the last time I did it it had been raining forever and (true farm girl I am) I wore my crocs out there and wound up with a foot full of juicy goat poo/mud. < shiver>

Can't get much more generic than this one. Yes--4 discs of 70's rock, but they are all alternate versions; not the ones you heard on the radio. So you know them, but not exactly. I got a whole box of cd's in the mail today. My 2 weeks of unemployment will be put to good use, I am sure!

Friday, June 12, 2009


No wine for me today because I have to work. What's the point of having your Friday on Tuesday if your Monday is going to be on Friday? So now Saturday is Tuesday and oh my god do you even know what I'm talking about? I can't turn off italics!

Hey, now it's bold. WTF?

Hmmm. Listened to Elvis Costello The Juliet Letters. Kind of a downer. Perfect for a Friday turned Monday.

I fried chicken for the menfolk to eat while I'm in the hole tonight. Marinated it in hot sauce for 24 hours. In other words, I'm not eating it. This has got to be the most boring blog ever! Wish I was a star wars geek so I would have something useful to talk about, like this guy.

The one redeeming quality about working tonight? I got a 2 cd set called Stardust with 45 big band hits. I can torment my co-workers so we can all be miserable about me having to work tonight. Win win.

Thursday, June 11, 2009


The Big Man has a job!! Yay for us!!

He has worked about 10 days since the beginning of the year, and let me tell you, union wages are a lot more than unemployment. If he can manage not to get fired tomorrow, we should be home free.

Just in time for me to draw 2 weeks of unemployment. Next year he will claim one child and I will claim one child so I can draw as much as he does. I only get $385, and he gets, well, more than that. After taxes he gets $444. I haven't received my first check yet, since I got my waiting week in back in April. After paying taxes for 25 years I am so excited to be getting my, it's a lie. I can't even type it. I'm scared to death. We can't both be unemployed!

I vote he works full time (and all that that implies) and I stay home and cook and play with all my books and cds. Once the kids are grown and out of the house, I may even think about starting to keep it clean.

Yeah, I don't believe me, either.

Box of wine tonight: Vella Blush, 5l for $10.99.

I traded for 14 cds this week, but they haven't arrived yet. You (Betsy) are in for a treat!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Spoiler Alert!!

Okay, I haven't finished the book yet, but Charlotte Lucas is...a ZOMBIE!!

I know! Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is hilarious!

And okay, she isn't a total zombie yet, but she is stricken and she is fantasizing about eating Mr. Darcy's large brain!! Awesome.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

I Don't Love Red!

I don't love red so much, except in wine.

There will be no pictures today...because my hair is RED. I flirted with the concept on Thursday. Evidently I decided plain ole auburn was too boring so I picked up a box of "intense auburn" aka "Sweet Pepper" according to the Garnier Fructis people. Oh. My. GOD!!!! On the upside? My hair smells awesome. On the downside? It looked like I massacred someone in the shower. Who's gonna clean it up is what I want to know.

This is much more interesting than Edifi, which is what today's topic was going to be. Oy, don't get me started.

Today's wine was a Rosato I had a free sample of at Olive Garden. Excellent, and free! It was actually $31 a bottle at the restaurant. Ridiculous.

And tuneage was Hey There Delilah which I heard twice today; once on the way to St. Louis and once on the way home. After Edifi had made me cry. But that is another post altogether.

So, tomorrow I return to work, after my 6 week hiatus, with red hair.

Sweet Pepper!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

I Love Orange!

Some first post this is going to be. I chose this template...because I love orange, see?

Yes, my love of orange stems from my love of the University of Tennessee, from where I did not manage to graduate.

My love of orange is only eclipsed by my love of cheap wine! I do prefer it to be in a box (because there is more of it), but a large bottle will do. Today's selection:
Sangriana Sangria. Imported from Spain, which sounds fancy, but it was $6.49 at Aldi's. And it looks like there is still some wine in there, but there isn't. It is 4:30 on a Saturday, but to my credit I drank 5/8's, maybe even 11/16's, of this bottle last night. Which is unusual for me. Normally I would have finished it.

In the disc changer: Schoolhouse Rock! Rocks, along with Loud, Fast Ramones Their Toughest Hits, Highway to Hell AC/DC, 70's Greatest Rock Hits Vol. 12#1 Groups (all received from today) and Squeeze Singles 45's and Under which arrived yesterday.