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Thursday, February 3, 2011

My Apologies

Okay, I have so much to apologize for, I really don't even know where to begin.

First, Rae...I'm sorry that I have not mailed you your present. I can't find it. True story. When Buckethead was here last month and heard about it she said she wanted one so I looked all over hell and half of Georgia for it, to no avail. It will turn up one of these days and boy won't you be surprised.

Secondly, Boy of Buckethead, aka the Boy Who is Not My Godson Because I Cannot Be Entrusted With Anyone's Spiritual Care, I really did not forget your birthday. I was at work when I thought of it and then I came home and drank too much (no, really) and forgot to call you. And then the same exact thing happened the next day. And by the third day I was embarrassed. And on the fourth day I really did forget. I'm sorry.

There are a couple more apologies I should make now, but I wouldn't really mean them. I really think everyone in the tri-county, possibly quad-county, area is stupid and a horrible driver and they should just get the fuck out of my way. I am in a bad mood and I do not want to be fucked with, capisce? Now get the fuck out of my way and leave me all the good parking spaces at Krogers. And Kmart. Go fucking crazy out on the west side of town, I don't go there.

Oy...somebody owes me an apology, I think. All those fucking meteorologists that promised me the fucking storm of the century...where's the devastation and destruction, huh? I stocked up on propane and chef boyardee ravioli and prepared to hunker down, and what did I get? Half a fucking inch of ice and even less snow. Whop-dee-fucking-doo. And my power only went out for 4 hours. From 9:00 pm to 1 am, when I was sleeping anyway. Thanks a lot, fuckwads.

Ok, well, that feels good. Now I need a Tom Collins (yes, I have temporarily switched to gin...it's yummy). I hear there is another A to Z Challenge planned for April and I am looking forward to it. Instead of trying to be funny and get lots of people to follow me, I think I will be really mean and try to alienate every one. Less stressful for me that way.

3 comments:

Rae Frazier said...[Reply to comment]

OMG! She lives!!!!!
I was afraid you took that super nice car and a box of wine and drove off into the sunset somewhere, never to return to blog world again!!!
So glad you are back- meaner and feistier than ever! cool!
Don't worry about the gift. It's the thought that counts, right? And you did think of it for a mere 2 seconds anyway.
A to Z challenge? Welcome aboard!
But there will be absolutely NO EXCUSES like broken keyboards, too much wine, a flamingo invasion or another storm of the century.
We're all expecting great things from you!
Onward!!!
PS: I missed you. I couldn't find anyone else to stalk.

Rae Frazier said...[Reply to comment]

Oh, by the way- Gin tastes like a Christmas tree. Yuck!

Arlee Bird said...[Reply to comment]

My, I hope you're having a better day today. Your alienation approach to A to Z should be interesting. We'll see how that goes.

And I agree that gin tastes like a Christmas tree, but I still like to drink it now and then.

Lee
Tossing It Out and the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge 2011