I Didn't Bite Anyone Yesterday

You know, this blogging every day business is hard.

Especially for someone like me...nothing interesting happens to me. Usually.

I alluded to a post I couldn't publish yesterday because it was too personal. Well, it still is; but the story behind it kind of figures into this one.

Let me start by saying, wine in a box is a great thing. It is very economical (5 liters for less than $15, usually). It stays fresh in that miraculous little bag inside that streamlined box once you open it. At least that's what the hype on the outside of the box says.

See, that normally isn't an issue at my house. Once I poke out the little circle on the side, extract the little tap, and pull off that adorable little silver, uh, thingy that keeps it from leaking, the box is empty within 3 days. Sometimes quicker than that.

It's all because of the box's worst feature: you can't see how much you are drinking. With a bottle of wine I know that once it is empty I should stop. Well, if it is one of those big bottles. If it is one of the little bottles, I can have another one and then I should stop.

It doesn't help that my wine glass is actually a 20 ounce water goblet. That way, I don't have to get up as often to refill.

Saturday night my husband went to bed around 9 pm. Both the kids were out and I was left all alone. By the time Tennessee was done humiliating Memphis I was having hot flashes...an unfortunate byproduct of me drinking wine. I parked myself in front of the computer, cranked up the Elvis Costello channel on Pandora, and started trolling the interwebs.

I'm a horrible storyteller, ya'll.

Cut to Monday. I get home from work. I take a shower and get all freshened up (we call that taking a canoe ride, by the way...it refers to an old douche commercial where 2 ladies are in a canoe talking about freshening up). Then I settle down to the computer for a little catch up.

I was thrilled to see that I had a comment from someone new. She said she would be interested to know if I had bitten anyone on my first day back to work. WTF? Now I'm like, I have a crazy commenter...I'm so cool!!!

So I click on her name and check her out. I see her blog name and think, I've heard of that. I go to the blog and see by her blogroll that she too follows The Bloggess. That must be where I have heard of her blog. I read the first post. It's really funny. I read the post before that and think...whoa, she totally stole this. I know I have read parts of this somewhere, a long time ago. When I get to the end I read the comments. Guess who made a comment there at 11 pm Saturday night? Yep, that would be me. I totally do not remember doing that. Luckily, it wasn't a totally inappropriate comment, or too terribly written. I just don't remember writing it. But I said that I planned on biting a coworker when I returned to work on Monday, so her comment now made perfect sense. Here's her post. That should clear up any confusion.

I didn't go to bed until 2 am that morning. Then I woke up at 6:30 in a total panic. Although I did not remember commenting on Christine's blog, I did remember posting on facebook. On one friend's wall I posted that I had had a dream about him the night before. That was true, but it would have been better suited to a personal email. On another friend's wall I responded to her reaction to the House vote on Health Care. And to her friend's reaction to her reaction. They all agreed with each other; suffice it to say that I did not. And I was drunk, ya'll.

I will be the first to admit that I can get a little obnoxious whilst intoxicated. If I am under stress when said intoxication occurs (say, after my father's memorial service) I can get really obnoxious. And if my husband isn't around to kind of rein me in...well, I can get, um, I don't even know what to call that.

And I know better than to get drunk and start typing. It has bitten me in the ass before. I usually stick to playing Know It All on boxerjam. That game moves too fast for any chatting. I just say all my obnoxious comments to the monitor and no one is the wiser.

In the end it all turned out to be fine. When Dg wanted to know about the dream, I wrote him an email. And I had had the presence of mind to send Suzi a personal message on fb and apologize preemptively about my posts. She responded this morning by telling me that they weren't out of line...that I was entitled to my opinion, even if that opinion was wrong LOL.

Dodged another bullet.

The Third Saturday in October

Since I need to post everyday this month, I can now go back and post all the things I should have blogged about when they happened. FYI--I am very lazy...this happens a lot.

Now the title of today's masterpiece refers to the annual Tennessee-(I hate)Alabama game which historically took place on, you guessed it, The Third Saturday in October. Only now it doesn't take place then. It was the fourth Saturday, but meh, it just doesn't sound as good.

Since I moved to the black hole that is Southern Illinois back in 1994 I haven't exactly kept up with Tennessee Football. Yes, I mean Football with a capital F. I work weekends in a factory and I don't see the outside world except for when I'm coming in or going out. I didn't know about Peyton Manning or the National Championship or anything! And this from the girl who didn't miss a single home game during my illustrious college career (I managed to mooch a ride to several of the away games, too).

A couple of years ago I did a 6 month stint on the midnight shift and I got to watch or listen to several games. That's when my family learned just how loud and obnoxious I could be. When I found out I was going to have surgery again this year I was pleased to find out I would be home for most of this season. When the BFF scheduled her annual fall trek to the black hole we didn't realize right away that she would be here then. It was fate!

She came bearing gifts (a UT snuggie and 4 orange reusable shopping bags with big white T's on them) while I had a chilled box of white merlot on tap in the fridge. She was childless this weekend and since both mine are mo-bile now we were able to enjoy a loud girls night of bonding. I don't remember what we talked about (imagine that!).

The next morning we headed to the Schnuck's. We had decided the menu would consist of stuffed mushrooms and cheese dip, while the cocktails would be Big Orange Screws (screwdrivers with peach schnapps). I started cooking the goodies while she had a little nap (we don't bounce back nearly as quickly as we used to). Then it was time for kickoff.

Luckily my kids did not stick around for the show. One of their favorite past times is to watch me get wound up while watching football, and I did not disappoint on this day. I won't rehash the particulars here--it's still a little too raw. In retrospect it was an excellent game and they battled valiantly. But if I had my way someone would have beat the snot out of that field goal "kicker" (and I use that term loosely). My husband thought I was having a heart attack with 4 seconds left in the game. No, I was just hyperventilating. I guess the rest of the world didn't take it as hard as I did because when I offered to head the line of people wanting to beat that kid with a bar of soap in a tube sock ala Full Metal Jacket on facebook, no one joined me. NO ONE! I couldn't believe it.

Also, BFF received a call during the first half informing her that her house had been broken into. It was awful. I tried to be a good friend, but I finally got her attention back on the game. And the Big Orange Screws. After all the heartbreak we fired up the karaoke **Note to Self--Get new karaoke discs. No one wants to sing Genie in a Bottle. No one.**

...For Dummies

I am not even through the second chapter of Wine For Dummies and I have come to the conclusion it is a lost cause. I should just stick to my cheap ole box o'wine because I like it. There are undoubtedly lots of really good wines out there, but I don't think I would know them if they came up to me and dribbled down the front of my shirt. Tannic and acidic, mouth aromas, spicy, earthy, hardness, firmness. I forget what we're talking about. Oh, yeah.

Chapter 1 tells me to slow down and pay attention. Huh. You don't know me very well, do you (in the immortal words of Bugs Bunny). I'll keep slogging through, but the person who owned this book first highlighted some of the stangest things:




I wonder if I really need to remember the retronasal passage is the nose for wine. I hope there's not gonna be a quiz.

I Love Orange!

Some first post this is going to be. I chose this template...because I love orange, see?

Yes, my love of orange stems from my love of the University of Tennessee, from where I did not manage to graduate.

My love of orange is only eclipsed by my love of cheap wine! I do prefer it to be in a box (because there is more of it), but a large bottle will do. Today's selection:
Sangriana Sangria. Imported from Spain, which sounds fancy, but it was $6.49 at Aldi's. And it looks like there is still some wine in there, but there isn't. It is 4:30 on a Saturday, but to my credit I drank 5/8's, maybe even 11/16's, of this bottle last night. Which is unusual for me. Normally I would have finished it.



In the disc changer: Schoolhouse Rock! Rocks, along with Loud, Fast Ramones Their Toughest Hits, Highway to Hell AC/DC, 70's Greatest Rock Hits Vol. 12#1 Groups (all received from swapacd.com today) and Squeeze Singles 45's and Under which arrived yesterday.